Very Simple Secret

Oil, Oil, No Toil, No Trouble

2012-01-10T07:42:00.013-06:00

Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Experiments in Natural Family Living
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have reported on weeklong trials to make their lives a little greener. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Natural living and I go way back. I think Fern Gully was the catalyst for me. I was in 4th grade and I remember being so on edge about the environment. Later, came an interest in herbal medicine. But it wasn't until I became a mother that the ball really got rolling. First it was about what I was putting into Zeus’s little body. Then it was about what I was putting on it. It is staggering, the number of ingredients in body washes, lotions, toothpastes and the like, that are akin to poisons. I certainly wouldn't feed him these things. And, as skin is our largest organ, I wasn't going to go slathering this junk on him either.

So, out went the mainstream bath and body products. His body was the smallest and so the most important but I gradually came to realize that I didn’t want those things on me either. For myself, it’s still a work in progress. I’ve done some weird stuff along the way (well, some people think it’s weird; I think it’s pretty rad) like make my own deodorant and most recently, toothpaste. But my favorite venture has been oil cleansing.

Initially, I resisted because:

a) It seemed like a lot of work
b) I needed time to get over the whole “oil is bad for your skin” thing

I finally got on board because:

a) I couldn't find any facial products with a full set of ingredients I trusted
b) My skin looked terrible
c) I could save money and hassle-no need for eye make-up removers, moisturizers, or other face wash

I got the how-to information from these sites. Then I mixed my own oil and went for it.

It felt good. The oil was thick and smooth and the warm washcloth, relaxing. But how was my skin going to react? Would I be forced to squeegee the grease from my face while my skin adjusted to this new routine? Would it even work?

Fine. No. Definitely yes.

My face looked and felt clean after the very first go. There was no adjustment period like there would be with "No-Poo" or something similar. My skin reacted very well and I am pleasantly surprised.

The verdict:

My face feels amazing. My skin is soft, it looks healthy, and it doesn’t get oily! Before oil cleansing, if I wasn’t right on top of my facial cleansing routine my face felt like an oil slick. It was gross. Now, my face gets to do what it’s supposed to do. No products stripping off all the oil and more products putting artificial moisture back in. Just lovely skin. I am sold.

"Change in all things is sweet"-Aristotle

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Make your own moisturizer! — Megan at boho mama whips up a winter skin-friendly moisturizer.
Cold Water Only — Brittany at The Pistachio Project talks about how you do not need hot water to wash laundry.
Family Cloth... Really?? — After lots of forethought and consideration, Momma Jorje finally decides to take the plunge with family cloth.
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle : 5-5-5 Things A Day — Luschka from Diary of a First Child writes about decluttering her home in an attempt to create a gentler living space. She takes on a new project where she sets a goal of reducing, reusing and recycling every day.
Pros and cons of family cloth — Lauren at Hobo Mama would love to continue replacing paper products with family cloth … if she could only get over how damp she feels.
Craftily Parenting — Kellie at Our Mindful Life finds that crafting makes her a better parent.
Changes — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen couldn't choose just one area to experiment with, so she wrote a long post about all the fun changes initiated in her life!
Life without Internet: Not all it's Cracked up to Be — Adrienne at Mommying My Way tries to go a week without the Internet, only to realize a healthy dose of Internet usage really helps keep this stay-at-home mom connected.
My Progression to Raw Milk — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares her natural parenting progression all the way to trying raw milk.
mama's new little friend. — Sarah at Bitty Bird tries a menstrual cup to "green her period," and is pleasantly surprised when she falls in love with the product!
Before you throw it out, try homemade laundry soap! — Jennifer at Practical OH Mommy shows visual proof that homemade laundry soap is cheaper, easier, and works better than the store-bought chemicals!
Oil, Oil, No Toil, No Trouble — K from Very Simple Secret talks about her foray into the oil-cleansing method.
I Need a Hobby — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro couldn't decide which experiment to run, so she did them all.
7 days of macrobiotics for a balanced family — The Stones make a [successful] attempt to release the "holiday junking" with 7 days of macrobiotic meals to balance their bodies and souls. Elisabeth at Manic Mrs. Stone includes an explanation of macrobiotics.
Chemical Free Beauty Challenge — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction turned to natural alternatives for her daily beauty and cleaning routine, with great results.
Greening my Armpits!? My Green Resolution — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about how she decided to give up her traditional antiperspirant and make the switch over to crystal deodorants and definitely isn't looking back!
Going Raw (for a while) — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares her family's experience with raw food.
Do we get to eat gluten today? — Sheila at A Gift Universe has been trying to figure out if her son does better with or without gluten in his diet … but it's really hard to tell for sure.
Hippies Can Smell and Look Fabulous Too! — Arpita of Up, Down And Natural details her experience of going shampoo-free and overhauling her cosmetics to find the balance between feeling beautifully fabulous and honoring her inner hippie.
Our cupboards are full...but there's nothing to eat — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud takes on the challenge of chomping through the contents of her storecupboard rather than going shopping — but there's something that she just can't bring herself to do …
Elimination Experiment 3.0 — MudpieMama recounts the messy adventures of her baby daughter trying to be diaper free.
Family Cloth Trial — Amyables at Toddler in Tow talks about making and using family cloth wipes in the bathroom for the first time.
Taking a Hiatus — Amy at Peace 4 Parents shares how her experience of much less internet interaction affected her family and how it will change her approach in the future.
Trying Out the Menstrual Cup — Lindsey at an unschooling adventure ditches the tampons and gives menstrual cups a try.
Managing Food Waste in Our Home — Tired of the holiday waste, Robbie at Going Green Mama takes a weeklong focus on reducing food waste in her home, and learns some lessons that can take her through the new year.
Going Offline, Cloth Tissues, and Simplicity — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama muses over her time away from blogging and social networking. In addition, she shares her newfound love of cloth tissues and simplicity.
The Oil Cleansing Method — Erica at ChildOrganics explores an easy, organic and natural way to tackle skin care.
Experiments in Natural Family Living - Natural Toys! — Lani at Boobie Time enjoys the silence of natural toys and being more present with her son.
Discovering a New City and Organic Foods — Amy at A Secure Base describes her family's switch to and search for organic foods for one week.
My Experiment in Homemade Bread — Crunchy Con Mommy tried — and loved — baking her own homemade bread.
Menu Planning: Stop the Excuses — Gaby at Tmuffin stopped the excuses and started planning her weekly meals, drastically cutting her grocery budget and stress level and improving the quality of foods she fed her family.
My First Menstrual Cup — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children was pleasantly surprised with her first experience using a menstrual cup.
My Natural Beauty Regime — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares the results of banishing cleanser and soaps from her bathroom, as well as a couple of natural homemade recipes that have worked well on her skin.
Unplugging and Creating a Rhythm: Our Experiment in Natural Family Living — Dionna at Code Name: Mama focused less on gadgets and spent more time with her family to create a healthy rhythm for the new year.
Experiments in Natural Family Living: 5 First Steps Toward Preparing for a Natural Birth — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama discusses how she tackled the pressing matter of how to begin preparing for a natural birth.
All you need is...vinegar! — Kristen at My Semi-Crunchy Life learns that one household product can replace all the cleaners in her cabinet.
Nope Nada Ixnay Negative Pass Decline — Zoie at TouchstoneZ finds out what shakes loose if she says, "YES!!" to anything anyone asks of her over the space of 10 days.
Reducing our exposure to toxins found in plastics — Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins throws out the melamine and BPA plastics which have been hanging around the kitchen for too long.
Duh! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares how she began the process of helping her 2-year-old son stop physically acting out.
Experiments in Natural Parenting: Starting, Stopping, and Gaining Perspective — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings explains how pregnancy brain interfered with her attempts to complete an experiment, but how she gained some interesting perspective as she started and stopped several.
From Experiment to Lifestyle — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares her experience avoiding processed foods for a month, and deciding to make it a permanent lifestyle change.
From Disposable Paper to Reusable Cloth – AGAIN! — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle stops flushing trees down the toilet and switches to the softest ever butt-wiping material: cloth.
Extra! Extra! Water Heater Turned Down, Mom Doesn't Notice! — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis finds an energy-saving experiment that's so easy she didn't even realize it was happening.
Worm Tea — CatholicMommy isn't sure how successful her worm bin will be, but she's having fun anyway.
Miles to Go ... — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns that when it comes to sleep debt, she's in real deep.
My Month With Water Kefir — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries experiments with a new fermented probiotic drink homemade in her own kitchen.
OMG Mom is Home... All Day Everyday: A Week-Long Experiment in Connecting — What a difference a week makes! Ana at Pandamoly is afforded a week off from work and takes the chance to reconnect and reattach with her 16-month-old son through an experiment in simply being there.
Creating Healthy Family Recipes — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares her experiment with healthy, gluten-free recipes and a chocolate muffin recipe that was created during the experiment.
Adventures in Alternative Haircare: No 'Poo — This guest post at Natural Parents Network from Amy at Anktangle chronicles a months-long journey into the world of no 'poo.
My Experiment in Natural Family Living: Natural Family Planning — Birth control options are seriously limited for those of us trying to live a little closer to the earth, so Mama Psalmist experiments with natural family planning.

2012-01-07T16:17:00.005-06:00

I'm just going to cut to the chase:

Today I found out someone was 12 years older than me. And I thought, "Wait, I thought she was in her 40's. Oh hell". Yep, definitely teetering dangerously on the wrong side of the decade.

I don't know why turning 30 has me all worked up (I still have 3+ months). I remember my dad turning 30-vividly. I remember when 30 sounded old (and it really wasn't all that long ago). Good times with my high school friends are long gone. Sometimes I say I haven't seen so-and-so for awhile and I realize years have elapsed. People I think of as little kids are going to college. An entire decade has gone by since I met Hubster. I guess it has to do with the passage of time more than anything else.

Children will grow up. We will grow old. Times will change. From sweet dreams in my teens, to clubbing in my early 20s, to marriage and babies who have grown into children. From dorms to apartments to rental houses to a mortgage and a minivan. From childhood crushes to a deep and abiding love and partnership with one man. Meaningful relationships. Growing into myself. Peace in my choices and my lifestyle and who I am. A real respect for the beliefs and opinions of others.

Maybe getting older isn't so bad after all.

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."-Mark Twain

New year, new goals

2012-01-04T10:16:00.000-06:00

2011, I bid you aideau. You were not kind to me and to say I'll miss you would be a lie. Last year was a rough one. I lost my grandfather-one of the most gentle, wonderful men I will ever have the pleasure of knowing-to cancer. I think back on the last week of his life and I can see what an experience it was. I was able to see more dimensions, gained a sort of clarity into the questions of life, realized that death is a part of life. It wasn't just a sad time. It was pivotal and complicated and I don't have the words to describe it all yet. It changed my life. It changed me.

My marriage went through hard times. Having a little distance from the events of the year it's starting to make sense as to why that would have been, but at the time it only seemed hopeless and painful and futile. Now on the other side of it I can respect what happened and feel stronger for having gone through these things together. A post for another time, but I learned a lot from this too. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger" is really true, if you can see what's left behind after you've sifted through the rubbish.

But 2012 is here now and I'm feeling optimistic about the possibilities.

So, my list of goals for the year, in no particular order:

Start working on embroidery. Make cute things. Have a craft all my own.
Journal. Just write it all down. I know later I'll be glad I did
Read 6 classics
Spend less than 3 hours/day on the computer. An hour in the morning, maybe 1/2 an hour in the afternoon, and an hour or so at night.
Read every day, even if it's just for a few minutes in bed
Live slowly and deliberately

We're taking a trip to Maine this year. I've had dreams of Maine since I was in high school. It's our first family vacation and we've been talking about it and tentatively planning it for close to a year already. Zeus will be 6 and Tulip will be 3 by the time we go and I feel like the timing is superb. We're stopping at Hershey Park and Boston on the way. I won't wax poetic about my love for Boston, but I could. I am dearly looking forward to this trip.

I'm turning 30 in April. I fluctuate between "Yay" and "BooHiss" on this topic.

We're going to start saving for our house in the country this year. We have a 5-year plan. I do enjoy the busyness of the city, all the events and restaurants and different people. But being in the country feeds my soul. When I'm out there I would gladly give up city life. It doesn't even cross my mind. It will be awhile until we have this for our own but it will be a wonderful dream realized once it happens.

"A goal without a plan is just a wish."-Antoine de Saint-Exupery

2012 reading goals

2012-01-01T11:57:00.005-06:00

I had my reading goals all lined up. They included reading 1 fiction book per month, 1 parenting book per month, 1 non-fiction book per month, 1 classic every other month, and 1 chapter book to the kids each month. I was planning on signing up for a couple of reading challenges at the library and calling it good. I had my book lists made and I was satisfied.

And then. *sigh* And then I ran across a post at Living Peacefully with Children. She has posted a bunch of reading challenges she's participating in. Resistance was futile. I'm now signed up for 6 total. There were others that interested me, like reading books from around the world and French authors but I have a tendency to over-commit and then worry so I'm trying to keep things manageable.

Without further ado, my challenge list:

Click for sign-up post

Southern Literature Challenge (via The Introverted Reader):
I'm going for Level 4, reading 4 books. Gone with the Wind, The Color Purple, The Help and To Kill a Mockingbird were all on my original reading list for the year. I hope I can add more along the way. The South is so alluring.

Click for sign-up post

Telling Tales Challenge (via An Armchair by the Sea):
Fairytales, Folklore, Mythology. I love it all. I'm signing up for Level 1, reading 5 books, and I can't wait to see what I find.

Click for sign-up post

Ireland Reading Challenge (via Books and Movies):

A challenge to read about Ireland? Don't mind if I do! I'm aiming for Shamrock level, 4 books.

Click for sign-up post

Witches & Witchcraft Reading Challenge (via Melissa's Eclectic Bookshelf):
I'm beside myself with glee at the thought of this challenge. Though I'm only going for Initiate level (5 books), I hope to find more good reads along the way to add to my list.

Click for sign-up post

Memorable Memoirs Reading Challenge (via The Betty and Boo Chronicles):
I love a good memoir. I had a couple on my list already for this year and I'm more than happy to add a couple more. I was planning on reading I Walked the Line: My Life with Johnny by Vivian Cash and Riding in Cars with Boys by Beverly Donofrio. I'm always happy to reread A Girl Named Zippy, The Glass Castle, and Janice Earlbaum's books. So, I'm going to go for the Autobiographer level and read 5-9 books.

Click for sign-up post

An Illustrated Year, Picture Book Reading Challenge (via An Abundance of Books):
Last but certainly not least. I'm looking forward to a reading challenge to do with the littles. We should have no problems hitting Level 3 (24 books) but we'll be selective about our review choices. I can't wait to hear how Zeus and Tulip review the books!

I am jazzed, linked-up, and ready to read!

"The habit of reading is the only enjoyment in which there is no alloy; it lasts when all other pleasures fade."-Anthony Trollope

My baby is 3

2011-12-30T22:45:00.002-06:00

I am now a mama to a 3-year-old (again).

From the moment Tulip eased her way into this world she has stolen the hearts of all she meets.

The most beautiful baby girl I've ever looked upon and the kind of baby who makes you think you could do this again and again.

A gentle toddler with spirit enough to show us when something was important.

And now, a preschooler. Already?

Tulip loves to dance (but only if she's wearing a skirt. She claims one can't dance without a skirt on). She loves music and makes up her own songs. Pretending, books and sorting games keep her interest. She is just as likely to sit and play something quietly as she is to take off running laps. She's still that easy-to-please little one she started out as (most of the time. 3 is just a phase, 3 is just a phase, 3 is just a phase...). She adores cats. She has a kind heart. She is clever. She got up on the morning of her birthday, held up her fingers and said, "I am 3" with so much pride.

My darling girl, happy birthday to you. I am so blessed to be your mama.

"In every girl is a goddess."-Francesca Lia Block

One for the books

2011-12-27T22:09:00.002-06:00

Christmas is over, the hustle and bustle ended. The kids came away with a big haul and in the midst we stopped to have a talk about gratitude and why we give gifts.

I'd like to change some of our Christmas traditions for next year. We spent the Advent season making cookies, making gifts, and attending Christmas events. Watching Christmas movies and reading holiday books. We made latkes for Hanukkah, talked about the Solstice and read about Christmas in Mexico.

We overdid it. We were burned out by December 15. Then came the last minute rushing around, the crazy crowds, the forced gift giving.

Next year, I want to focus on my little family. I want to enjoy the season with my children. I want them to have a peaceful December. I don't want to worry if we don't get to every event in the city. I don't want to stress.

Next year, we will take things slow. We will take our time and read the holiday books of our choosing. I will not worry about classics that we can't get from the library. We will drive around and look at Christmas lights when the desire compels us, not on the only evening we can squeeze it into our packed Christmas-time schedule. We will bake cookies and enjoy the time together. I will not worry about what we have to do later in the day.

Next year, we will experience the joy of giving. For many, I will propose pooling the money we would have used on one another and put it toward adopting a family. A family who will appreciate the gifts they're given, not who will toss them in the Goodwill pile as soon as they return home. We will spend our time with people who make us feel good. And yes, we will have presents wrapped in brightly colored paper. We will watch the faces of the littles light up as they find the surprise for which they've been waiting.

Next year I will plan ahead and avoid the last minute rush. Next year I will not focus on the material and I will do my best to plant this desire in the hearts of others. Next year we will be grateful and joyful and, oh, we will love.

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”-William Arthur Ward

Is Santa real?

2011-12-23T11:13:00.003-06:00

"Is Santa real"? I've been asked this question daily for the past week. It's a conundrum.

Before we had children, or at least children old enough to understand Christmas traditions, we decided we wouldn't "do" Santa. We said it was a lie and we weren't going to be privy to such things. So for the first 4 Christmas seasons of our parenting life we patted ourselves on the back about our decision, certain we'd made the right one. "See", we'd tell one another, "our kids don't miss Santa. They're fine without all that".

And then Zeus turned 4. And went to preschool. And came home with questions and desires of Santa Claus. But nothing we couldn't handle. Everything was still as we'd planned it.

And just like everything else we've ever planned regarding parenting, it's all come tumbling down. This year Zeus is totally into Santa. He loves the thought of him-his red suit, his sleigh, flying reindeer, the whole works. Santa is everywhere. I had a feeling this was coming so we celebrated St Nicholas Day and talked about where the idea of Santa came from, who St. Nicholas was, how the name and image morphed into Santa Claus. He liked all these things but he just asked, "But is Santa real?"

There are only so many times I can say, "Well, what do you think?" before he demands a real answer. So I changed my response to "What do you believe?". He says, "I think he's real" and happily skips away.

Oddly, this answer pleases me. It pleases me because he's decided what he believes. He wants to believe in Santa so he does. And frankly, I love the magic of it all. I remember how it made me feel as a child. I see the joy and excitement in him and it's contagious.

Here's my beef. Never do I wish anyone to utter the phrase, "You'd better be good. Santa is watching". And I don't want him to realize in a few years Santa isn't real and feel like we pulled one over on him.

And here's what I dread: the gift question. What happens on Christmas morning when he asks which one Santa brought? And if I say none of them are from Santa, will he be crushed? Do I play it off like we didn't check all the labels before handing them out?

Is it enough to just believe in Santa? Will he need milk and cookies, stockings filled with toys from Santa?

I don't know where to go with this. Part of me wants to go with it and totally do Santa up right. To enjoy the magic and wonder that only lasts such a short time in life. To live that with him. The other niggling part of myself reminds me that I already thought this through and I won't ever be on board with tricking him.

I know I'm far from the only one who struggles with this. I've read blog posts, articles, and message board threads about this very subject. Everything seems so easy, so straight-forward...until you have a little one in front of you hanging on every word you speak and counting on you to handle the situation well. Ultimately, it's his choice. He wants to believe in Santa. So we'll do what we've done before. We'll just follow his lead, remember what we've decided in the past, and believe in Zeus to know what he wants and needs. Sometimes that's the best you can do.

"Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Claus. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will?"-Jon Bon Jovi

Turn up the sound!

2011-12-22T16:20:00.003-06:00

I took the littles to Alvin and the Chipmunks today. We've been going to the movies pretty frequently lately because my brother-in-law got a job @ AMC. Which means I have the sweet hook-up of a Friends and Family Card. Which means, if you're not following, we get free movies. So, hooray for AMC, hooray for brother-in-law, hooray for free movies.

Being in the theater today I was reminded of a time, a few months ago, when I took Zeus and Tulip to an Extreme Screen movie at Union Station. The movie was about the ocean at the South African coast, the Sardine Run, and environmental changes. It was geared for adults but both kids liked it. The "bait ball" of sardines is really amazing. Whenever the movie would switch to a shore view Tulip would exclaim, "I want to to underwater again!". The highlight of the movie, for Zeus, was a little different. At the beginning the sound wasn't working. We happened to be sharing the theater with 4 outspoken women. They kept making comments and yelling up into the box. At one point one shouted at the top of her lungs, "TURN UP THE SOUND!". Zeus's giggles started immediately. He laughed for 3 minutes straight. Once he got a hold of himself he exclaimed, "Turn up the sound!". And another round of giggles ensued. He even told Hubster about it later that night, complete with laughter.

He has such joy in the little things. He doesn't worry whether someone will hear him or if he should or shouldn't repeat what he finds funny. He just does what makes him happy. It makes me wonder, if we were all left to our own devices, would we be the same?

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."-Abraham Lincoln

Why bedtime is the best time

2011-12-20T01:26:00.000-06:00

Co-sleeping is an ebb and flow in our 3-bedroom house. Sometimes our bedroom has not only the big bed, as we like to call it, but a twin mattress on the floor and, always, a crib mattress waiting to be necessary. Some nights all these beds are filled. Some nights little bodies creep into the big bed in the wee hours. Some nights Zeus and Tulip spend all night in their own rooms. But the nights I like best are nights like last night.

Lately, Tulip is having trouble falling asleep alone so I've been staying with her until she drifts off. We were lying in her bed, using Christmas lights for a night light, and she was telling me about her kitten baby. She wrapped the sheet around the white stuffed animal and explained that Duchess was in her warm pajamas. Then she said, "Oh. She peed". So she unwrapped her, laid her on her back and pretended to give her a new diaper. Then she wrapped her up again. A minute later Duchess was hungry so Tulip laid her on her tummy because she's "the mommy cat and the baby gets milk from me". Duchess was finished eating and Tulip put her on the pillow between us so she'd be "safe and warm". Tulip closed her eyes. Then opened them and said, "She's not [something inaudible], she's so scared...I'm tired". She closed her eyes again and fell right asleep. One of the most precious things on the entire planet is watching a child sleep.

Adorable. And it gave me a glimpse into what she thinks it is to be a mother. She was tender and loving and tended to her baby's needs. It touched my heart. And this was a two-year-old and a stuffed kitten. I can't imagine what it's like to actually watch your child mother her own child. The thought is beautiful to me.

I thought of the nights when I haven't taken the time to indulge my children in these types of conversations. The nights where I had 100 things to do and I just wanted them to go to sleep so I could get to work. I wonder how many of these bedtime opportunities I've missed. And I wonder how long it would have taken her to fall asleep if I'd shushed her when she tried to do something else with Duchess. If she would have fought sleep if I tried to push it on her.

Watching my 2-year-old daughter "mother" her kitten gave me a reminder of what mothers do and who we are. Not only during the day, not only during the night, but in the in-between. Love doesn't run on a clock.

"There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect"-Roseanne Barr

30 Things I Like (and 5 that I don't)

2011-09-27T02:43:00.004-05:00

30 things I like:

Dresses
1940's
Tattoos
Babies
Martha Stewart (I wish I could make her my wife)
Snow
Pumpkin coffee
Anything French
Beautiful photographs
Mustard yellow cardigans
Waking up on a chilly morning wrapped in a warm blanket
Toddler hugs
One of a kind restaurants
Autumn (the smells, the weather, the food, the leaves, pumpkins-everything)
Craft blogs
Rainbow birthday parties (I want one for my 30th. No, I know that's not lame. You don't need to tell me.)
Painting a room a new color-it always screams, "job well done"
Tichels
Preschooler-isms
Robert Frost
Facebook
Knitted hats (now if only I could learn to do more than cast on...)
90's music
New England
Lakes
Online house hunting
Etsy
Laughing so hard my stomach hurts and I'm in danger of peeing my pants
A League of their Own
This quote, "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to ear the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even on life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."-Ralph Waldo Emerson That really just sums it up, doesn't it?

5 Things I Don't:

Mice (you're cute and all but come near my house and we become mortal enemies)
Anything boring
Or inauthentic
Facebook (see what I did there?)
The 'burbs (give me urban or give me rural, but don't give me in between)

Where to start?

2011-04-10T11:06:00.016-05:00

What's been happening? I did go see the Duggars and it was spectacular. I was kind of shocked @ the way people shamelessly approached the family. One person even handed Joy-Anna a phone for her to talk to one of their friends. It was weird. And yet I felt oddly star struck.

We have decided to homeschool and I'm finally feeling at peace with our decision. It's something I've struggled with for months. Homeschooling feels right. Hubster has gone from being completely against the idea to being a homeschooling champion. The information speaks for itself. I know I'm going to have many instances ahead where I have to defend our decision. I'm okay with that. Zeus's personality isn't a good fit for a classroom. He has really enjoyed preschool. He's had a wonderful teacher. But preschool is a different world than elementary school. His hard days at school have shown me that he would really have a hard time in a larger classroom with a less playful spirit. We agree that a school environment, right now, would either have him labeled as a troublemaker or break his spirit. Neither of those is acceptable to me. Teachers do a wonderful work but they're limited by the system itself. With 20-30 other children in the class a teacher wouldn't be able to stop what she's doing and deal with Zeus when he has a meltdown. It wouldn't be fair to her/him or to the other children. That is not our only reason for deciding to homeschool. Hubster and I both love the idea of interest based learning. Our children can find something they love and we can run with it. We can dig deeper than we'd be able to do if they were in school. We want them to keep their love of learning. We want to create lessons so they can learn in a meaningful way: hands-on learning, projects, field trips, etc. We'll have the opportunity to volunteer together, to instill those values into our children. They will have time to learn another language, to pursue their interests, to do things that are meaningful to them. They won't be in school for 7 hours followed by 2 hours of homework. And they will be surrounded by love. What's more important than that? They can continue to be kids.

Kansas City has a huge, active, involved homeschooling community. I feel very fortunate to be a part of the attachment parenting group we've been involved in. It has opened my mind to so much and led me in directions I may not have gone otherwise.. There are a lot of exciting things in the works right now. Zeus is going to finish out this year of preschool and then we'll officially begin.

Now, Tulip. That girl is all of 2. I actually don't find age 2 as challenging as age 3 but 2 is when it all begins. She has found her own personality. She has realized that she is independent of me. She climbs on her dresser and throws her wipes on the floor, dumps out her ponytail holders, generally makes a mess. She takes her diaper off and pees on the floor. This morning she dumped a family size box of Cheerios. She refuses to put bows, clips or other holders in her hair, resulting in it always being in her face. She copies her brother. She had carved out her own little nest in the tree in our yard and will sit up there for an hour. She says, "I love you so much". She says Percy is her favorite train in the whole world. She will not put on a dress saying, "No, want SHORTS! No, want SHIRT!". In short, she is a smart, assertive, sweet little powerhouse.

I feel like I'm in a really good place. It is refreshing to be able to look at life and love it. I feel whole and it's wonderful to return to that place.

"Love is life. All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Everything is, everything exists, only because I love. Everything is united by it alone."-Leo Tolstoy

There's no good title for this

2011-02-13T07:56:00.051-06:00

Today I am off to see...The Duggars! Hubster, confounded, declares this to be "a complete waste of money", to which my sister concurs, "I could not agree more". But I care not.

I don't know why I find them so mesmerizing. From the moment their first special popped up on my parents' TV screen, I've been hooked. I can't begin to guess at this unexplained fascination. Our philosophies on child-rearing and life in general could not be more different. I know what they stand for. I know their show is more or less a facade. I will give them the benefit of the doubt because I dont' know them and I don't know what truly goes on in their home. Who knows how much of what comes out is editing, how much is true, how much is fallacy, how much is choice. I could post links about the organization to which they belong or the ideas behind the words they've spoken or written. But I don't want to do that. I won't get on board with the Duggar-bashing. The fact is that I still like them. I'll say it...I'm a fan. Why? I. don't. know! Whatever it is, this unexplainable force is taking me to Lawrence, KS, $15 ticket in hand and I'm going to Duggar-watch.

"So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing. I am captivated"--Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional

Keeping Kansas City Awesome

2011-02-11T11:56:00.007-06:00

I've laughed at this video for months now. This woman is rad and I hope I run into her on the street someday. She is single handedly keeping KC awesome.

Zeus & Tulip now sing "Backin' up, backin' up, backin' up". Inappropriate? Perhaps. Hilarious? Definitely. Clearly, their daddy also taught them "good".

Video by schmoyoho

To celebrate our love

2011-02-06T10:43:00.001-06:00

In honor of Valentine's Day:

A few days ago we made these sweet hearts (idea courtesy of Jean @ The Artful Parent). Zeus & Tulip had a blast. Anytime we bring out the paints you'd think they'd entered the Promised Land. But to top it all off it was the 2nd day in a row they got to paint. Jubilation! Delight! Euphoria!

Here are our finished products:

Zeus decided he only wanted to paint one so he put his whole heart (haha) and soul into it (it's the one in the middle of the top row). That left Tulip and me to paint the rest of them. I think I may have liked it even more than the kids. I like to do projects like this that leave everything up to to the artist. Sure they were hearts but we cut them different ways, used different colors, different brushes, different pallets of paint. The littles used their own imagination and creativity to make their own creations. They are all different and they look lovely in our window (the glue stick part was a hit too).

"Love... it surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be"-Khalil Gibran

Clarity

2011-02-04T20:40:00.001-06:00

A few days ago I had an epiphany. My sister had been visiting and I had a weekend planned of activities we wanted to do: go out to eat, go shopping, watch movies. Nothing earth-shaking but still fun. My kids were along for the ride. They went to restaurants with us, they played while we chatted at home. But the whole weekend they were throwing fits, yelling, crying, screaming, and generally difficult to be around. It was disappointing-not because of their behavior but because I didn't get the weekend I had envisioned.

*Enter moment of clarity*

I realized that Zeus and Tulip were acting out because I wasn't present and there for them. We were sharing the same space but we weren't engaged. My sister was here and I expected a mini-vacation; my kids had no such expectations. I don't know why this was news to me but it hit me in a very meaningful way. I strive to be a present mother, to be there for my children, to share life and love every day. This made me realize I was failing-not just during the weekend but for quite some time now. As my kids got older and a bit more independent I had strayed far from my ideal.

I spend the next few days really being there. When they asked me to play a game I played it. When they asked me to read a book, I read it. I tried not to say, "Just a minute" or "After I put the laundry in" or any other excuses I didn't even know I'd been making. We reconnected this week and it has been lovely. I've noticed them climbing into my lap more often, more laughter together, more offers to share time with me. I've also noticed them crying out for more of my time. Without even knowing it I'd been pushing them down on my "to-do" list. We've been sharing space but we hadn't been sharing moments. Zeus is in our bed tonight because he wants to be with us (he's in cuddling with Hubster right now). Tulip has been asking me to hold her more often. They feel safe with me; they know they're first on my list again and they need more than what they've been getting.

A moment of clarity is a wonderful thing. Even so, it was hard to own up to my actions. Just writing it all out makes me feel like I have a huge rock in my gut. How could I do that? But I also know that this moment of clarity may just be one of the more important ones in my life. I will carry it with me. It's heavy, but I am glad for it, because the heavier it is the harder it will be for me to forget.

"For me the greatest beauty always lies in the greatest clarity"-Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

Ah, life

2011-01-10T23:04:00.005-06:00

So many thoughts keep rolling about in my head. I'm thinking of my kids getting older, Zeus especially. I realize that he has only a year and a half until he'll start kindergarten. This makes me panic. Time, wasted time. All the moments spent not realizing just how soon this sweet, innocent time would end. I want to go back and fix my mistakes and start over again. I want to take him out of preschool and homeschool him and keep him close to me and teach him all the I want him to know.

I think of Tulip, forever in Z's shadow. She is the most beautiful soul and yet, because of that, she gets shifted into the background. She needs to shine, or at least be given as much opportunity to do so as he has had.

I want to give them everything. Not in material possessions, but rather in hope and love and empathy and culture and just everything.

I do wonder where this life will lead us; where we will end up. Will we stay in the suburbs (because I truly hope not) and send these precious creatures to a "good suburban school"? Will we head to the city and be able to get into the French immersion school? Will we homeschool them there? Will we end up in my old small town? There they may lack the diversity and sophistication they would have daily in the city but would grow up truly caring about their neighbors.

I never realized that being a parent would be this hard. I figured we'd live wherever we ended up, send them to the local school and be done with it. I didn't know that becoming a mother would change my view on everything: birth, breastfeeding, diapering, medicine, circumcision, food, school, toys, again everything. I thought being a good mother would be as simple as being patient, listening, and loving.

I feel like I'm in over my head. I feel like I've already messed up these perfect little people that have been handed to me. I feel like I'm drowning in thoughts.

"Ah, life is a gate, a way, a path to Paradise anyway, why not live for fun and joy and love"--Jack Kerouac

The obligatory New Year's Resolution

2011-01-05T00:41:00.002-06:00

Mine is blogging. Again (and finishing Couch-to-5k. And learning to knit. And bird-watching. I don't think I'm over-committing here). I've been keeping blogs since 2007 and I probably have a collective total of posts somewhere in the 30's. Not a great track record. My best run was probably when Zeus had just turned 1 and I was posting pictures and stories of him for out of town family. But I had thoughts and ideas I wanted to write about that had nothing to do with being a toddler and I didn't particularly want to share them with that audience anyway. So I deleted and started anew. Wash, rinse, and repeat. Let's see if I can average a post a month this year!